EPRESSION OF EMPHATIC SURPRISE
A.
INTRODUCTION
It is common in
listening Part A to ask you to draw some kind of conclusiom. In this type
question the answer is not clearly stated, instead you must draw a conclusion based on clues given
in the conversation. One kind of conclusion that is common
in this part of the test is to ask you
to determine who the speaker is based on clues given in the
conversation.
The listening
comprehension section is to check your
ability about your understanding both
short and long conversation in english. The section contains recorded material that is similar to what you might here
if you were with a group of students at an english speaking college or
university. The language includes :
1. Vocabulary
and idiomatic expression common to spoken english.
2. Special
grammatical constractions used in speech.
An empathic expression is one that
is said with emphasis and stress to indicate importance. This type of
expression is used to show you have strong feelings about what you are
saying. Often emphatic expressions that are written have an exclamation
point (!) at the end of the sentence. While spoken emphatic phrases have stress
on the word that is used to emphasize or intensify your feelings.
Creating an emphatic expression
involves adding an adverb intensifier to your existing sentence or expression
to make your feelings even stronger. In an emphatic phrase the adverb
intensifier is always added before the verb. The most common emphatic
intensifiers in English (in my opinion) are “really” and “very much.” I
am sure you have heard people use these words frequently, in fact I used one in
the title of this post.
CHAPHTER II
DISCUSSION
A.
Expression
of Emphatic Surprise
An empathic
expression is one that is said with emphasis and stress to indicate
importance. This type of expression is used to show you have strong
feelings about what you are saying. Often emphatic expressions that are
written have an exclamation point (!) at the end of the sentence. While spoken
emphatic phrases have stress on the word that is used to emphasize or intensify
your feelings.
Creating an
emphatic expression involves adding an adverb intensifier to your existing
sentence or expression to make your feelings even stronger. In an
emphatic phrase the adverb intensifier is always added before the verb.
The most common emphatic intensifiers in English (in my opinion) are “really”
and “very much.” I am sure you have heard people use these words
frequently, in fact I used one in the title of this post.
There are a
number of useful emphatic intensifiers that would be good for you to
know. I have listed some of the most common of these below.
Following this list are a group of sentences with blanks where you can practice
filling in different emphatic emphasizers to make your own emphatic
phrases. Any of the words from the list can be put into any of the blanks
in the sentences below. It is personal choice which emphasizers you use,
which is why it might be fun to try out using these different intensifiers in
the different sentences below and see which ones you like best. Also,
listen for how others, particularly native English speakers, use these words to
help emphasize their point. This may help you decide which intensifying
adverbs you like the best.
List:
deeply – strongly, with much feeling
fully –
completely, without any doubt
positively –
without any doubt
really –
strongly
sincerely –
with my best wishes in mind
strongly –
with conviction
totally –
without any doubt
utterly –
without any doubt
very much* –
strongly
*Directly
emphasizing a verb with the adverb ‘very’ requires also using the word ‘much’
not just the word ‘very’ by itself. The word ‘very’ by itself is used to
emphasize other adverbs or adjectives. For example: I very much doubt he ate
the pizza. vs. He ate a very big pizza.
|
EXPRESSION
OF EMPHATIC SURPRISE
|
|||
|
Verb
|
Emphatic Form
|
Example
|
Meaning
|
|
Be
|
Be, with emphasis
|
Then, he is here!
|
I thought he was not here.
|
|
Modal
|
Modal, with emphasis
|
Then, you can go!
|
I thought you could not go.
|
|
Present tense
|
Do(es), with emphasis
|
Then, you do play tennis!
|
I thought you did not play tennis!
|
|
Past tense
|
Did, with emphasis
|
Then she
did read it.
|
I thought she had not read it.
|
|
Perfect tense
|
Have, with emphasis
|
Then he has gone done
|
I thought he had not gone.
|
B.
The Benefits
of Empathic Listening
Empathic
listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of
listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding
and trust. It is an essentialskill for third parties and disputants alike, as
it enables the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message,
and then provide an appropriate response. The response is an integral part of
the listening process and can be critical to the success of a negotiation or
mediation. Among its benefits, empathic listening :
2.
enables the disputants to release their emotions,
3.
reduces tensions,
4.
encourages the surfacing of information, and
Though
useful for everyone involved in a conflict, the ability and willingness to
listen with empathy is often what sets the mediator apart from others involved
in the conflict.
Even when
the conflict is not resolved during mediation, the listening process can have a
profound impact on the parties. Jonathon Chace, associate director of the U.S.
Community Relations Service, recalls a highly charged community race-related
conflict he responded to more than 30 years ago when he was a mediator in the
agency's Mid-Atlantic office. It involved the construction of a highway that
would physically divide a community centered around a public housing project.
After weeks of protest activity, the parties agreed to mediation. In the end,
the public officials prevailed and the aggrieved community got little relief.
When the final session ended, the leader of the community organization bolted
across the floor, clasped the mediator's hand and thanked him for being
"different from the others."
"When
the final session ended, the leader of the community organization bolted across
the floor, clasped the mediator's hand and thanked him for being 'different
from the others.' 'How was I different?' Chace asked. 'You listened,' was the reply.
“You were the only one who cared about what we were saying.”[1]
"How
was I different?" Chace asked. "You listened," was the reply.
"You were the only one who cared about what we were saying."
William
Simkin, former director of the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service and
one of the first practitioners to write in depth about the mediation process,
noted in 1971 that "understanding has limited utility unless the mediator
can somehow convey to the parties the fact that [the mediator] knows the
essence of the problem. At that point," he said, "and only then, can
(the mediator) expect to be accorded confidence and respect."[2]
Simkin was
writing about more than the need to understand and project an understanding of
the facts. Understanding "is not confined to bare facts," he said.
"Quite frequently the strong emotional background of an issue and the
personalities involved may be more significant than the facts." He
suggested that mediators apply "sympathetic understanding,"[3]
which in reality is empathic listening.
C.
How to
Listen with Empathy
Empathy is
the ability to project oneself into the personality of another person in order
to better understand that person's emotions or feelings. Through empathic
listening the listener lets the speaker know, "I understand your problem
and how you feel about it, I am interested in what you are saying and I am not
judging you." The listener unmistakably conveys this message through words
and non-verbal behaviors, including body language. In so doing, the listener
encourages the speaker to fully express herself or himself free of
interruption, criticism or being told what to do. It is neither advisable nor
necessary for a mediator to agree with the speaker, even when asked to do so.
It is usually sufficient to let the speaker know, "I understand you and I
am interested in being a resource to help you resolve this problem."
While this
article focuses on mediation, it should be apparent that empathic listening is
a core skill that will strengthen the interpersonal effectiveness of
individuals in many aspects of their professional and personal lives.[4]
Parties to unassisted negotiations -- those that do not involve a mediator --
can often function as their own mediator and increase their negotiating
effectiveness through the use of empathy. Through the use of skilled listening
these "mediational negotiators" can control the negotiation by their:
1.
Willingness to let the other parties dominate the
discussion,
2.
Attentiveness to what is being said,
3.
Care not to interrupt,
4.
Use of open-ended questions,
5.
Sensitivity to the emotions being expressed, and
6.
Ability to reflect back to the other party the
substance and feelings being expressed.
The power of
empathic listening in volatile settings is reflected in Madelyn Burley-Allen's
description of the skilled listener. "When you listen well,"
Burley-Allen says, "you:
1.
Acknowledge the speaker,
2.
Increase the speaker's self-esteem and confidence,
3.
Tell the speaker, "You are important" and
"I am not judging you,"
4.
Gain the speaker's cooperation,
5.
Reduce stress and tension,
6.
Build teamwork,
7.
Gain trust,
8.
Elicit openness,
9.
Gain a sharing of ideas and thoughts, and
10. Obtain more
valid information about the speakers and the subject."[5]
To obtain these results, Burly-Allen
says, a skilled listener:
1.
Formation from others while remaining non-judgmental and
empathic,
2.
Acknowledges the speaker in a way that invites the
communication to continue, and
3.
Provides a limited but encouraging response, carrying
the speaker's idea one step forward."
D.
Empathic
Listening in Mediation
Before a
mediator can expect to obtain clear and accurate information about the conflict
from a party who is emotionally distraught, it is necessary to enable that
party to engage in a cathartic process, according to Lyman S. Steil, a former
president of the American Listening Association. He defines catharsis as
"the process of releasing emotion, the ventilation of feelings, the
sharing of problems or frustrations with an empathic listener. Catharsis,"
he continues, "basically requires an understanding listener who is observant
to the cathartic need cues and clues. People who need catharsis will often give
verbal and non-verbal cues, and good listeners will be sensitive enough to
recognize them. Cathartic fulfillment is necessary for maximized success"
at all other levels of communication.
"Cathartic
communication," Steil continues, "requires caring, concerned,
risk-taking and non-judgmental listening. Truly empathic people suspend
evaluation and criticism when they listen to others. Here the challenge is to
enter into the private world of the speaker, to understand without judging
actions or feelings."
Providing
empathic responses to two or more parties to the same conflict should not
present a problem for a mediator who follows the basic principles of active
listening. The mediator demonstrates objectivity and fairness by remaining
non-judgmental throughout the negotiation, giving the parties equal time and
attention and as much time as each needs to express themselves.
Parties to
volatile conflicts often feel that nobody on the other side is interested in
what they have to say. The parties often have been talking at each other and
past each other, but not with each other. Neither believes that their message
has been listened to or understood. Nor do they feel respected. Locked into
positions that they know the other will not accept, the parties tend to be
close-minded, distrustful of each other, and often angry, frustrated, discouraged, or hurt.
When the
mediator comes onto the scene, he or she continuously models good
conflict-management behaviors, trying to create an environment where the
parties in conflict will begin to listen to each other with clear heads. For
many disputants, this may be the first time they have had an opportunity to
fully present their story. During this process, the parties may hear things
that they have not heard before, things that broaden their understanding of how
the other party perceives the problem. This can open minds and create a
receptivity to new ideas that might lead to a settlement. In creating a trusting
environment, it is the mediator's hope that some strands of trust will begin to
connect the parties and replace the negative emotions that they brought to the
table.
Mediator
Nancy Ferrell, who formerly responded to volatile community race-related
conflicts for the Dallas Office of the U.S. Community Relations Service,
questions whether mediation can work if some measure of empathy is not
developed between the parties. She describes a multi-issue case involving black
students and members of a white fraternity that held an annual
"black-face" party at a university in Oklahoma. At the outset, the
student president of the fraternity was convinced that the annual tradition was
harmless and inoffensive. It wasn't until the mediator created an opportunity
for him to listen to the aggrieved parties at the table that he realized the
extraordinary impact his fraternity's antics had on black students. Once he
recognized the problem, a solution to that part of the conflict was only a step
away.
Ferrell
seeks clues that the parties will respond to each other with some measure of
empathy before bringing them to the table. Speaking of conflicts between
parties who had a continuing relationship, she said, "One of my decisions
about whether they were ready to meet at the table was whether or not I could
get any glimmer of empathy from all sides. ... If I couldn't get some awareness
of sensitivity to the other party's position, I was reluctant to go to the
table. ... If you can't create empathy, you can't have a relationship. Without
that, mediation is not going to work.
George
Williams, who was a volunteer mediator at Chicago 's Center for Conflict
Resolution after he retired as president of American University, recalled an
incident in an entirely different type of dispute in the mid-1980s. The
conflict was between a trade school and a student who had been expelled for
what appeared to him to be a minor infraction of the rules, shortly after
paying his full tuition. After losing his internal appeal, he considered a
lawsuit, but chose mediation. The young man fared no better at mediation, yet
later profusely thanked Williams for being "the first person who listened
to what I had to say."
E.
Listening: A
Learnable Skill
As many
mediators, including myself, have come to understand, listening is a learnable
skill. Unfortunately, it is not typically taught along with other communication
skills at home or in school. I spend more time listening than using any other
form of communication, yet as a youngster I was never taught the skill. I spent
long hours learning to read and write and even had classroom training in public
speaking, but I never had a lesson in listening or thought of listening as a
learnable skill until I entered the world of mediation as an adult. While some
may have had better experiences during their formative years, for many
listening is often treated the same as "hearing." We do not
ordinarily receive instruction in using our other senses -- smell, sight, touch
and taste -- so why give lessons in hearing (sound)? A message that listening
was an important skill to learn would have fallen on deaf ears when I was a
child. Perhaps now that peer mediation is being taught in many classrooms
across the nation, when children are taught to "Listen to your
elders," they also will be taught by elders who model good listening
skills.
F.
Guidelines
for Empathic Listening
Madelyn Burley-Allen offers these
guidelines for empathic listening:
1.
Be attentive. Be interested. Be alert and not
distracted. Create a positive atmosphere through nonverbal behavior.
2.
Be a sounding board -- allow the speaker to bounce
ideas and feelings off you while assuming a nonjudgmental, non-critical manner.
3.
Don't ask a lot of questions. They can give the
impression you are "grilling" the speaker.
4.
Act like a mirror -- reflect back what you think the
speaker is saying and feeling.
5.
Don't discount the speaker's feelings by using stock
phrases like "It's not that bad," or "You'll feel better
tomorrow."
6.
Don't let the speaker "hook" you. This can
happen if you get angry or upset, allow yourself to get involved in an
argument, or pass judgment on the other person.
7.
Indicate you are listening by :
a.
Providing brief, noncommittal acknowledging responses,
e.g., "Uh-huh," "I see."
b.
Giving nonverbal acknowledgements, e.g., head nodding,
facial expressions matching the speaker, open and relaxed body expression, eye
contact.
c.
Invitations to say more, e.g., "Tell me about
it," "I'd like to hear about that."
8.
Follow good listening "ground rules:"
a.
Don't interrupt.
b.
Don't change the subject or move in a new direction.
c.
Don't rehearse in your own head.
d.
Don't interrogate.
e.
Don't teach.
f.
Don't give advice.
g.
Do reflect back to the speaker what
you understand and how you think the speaker feels.
The ability
to listen with empathy may be the most important attribute of interveners who
succeed in gaining the trust and cooperation of parties to intractable
conflicts and other disputes with high emotional content. Among its other
advantages, as Burley-Allen points out, empathic listening has empowering qualities.
Providing an opportunity for people to talk through their problem may clarify
their thinking as well as provide a necessary emotional release. Thomas Gordon
agrees that active listening facilitates problem-solving and, like Burley-Allen's
primer on listening, Gordon's "Leadership Effectiveness Training"[6]
provides numerous exercises and suggestions for those seeking to strengthen
their listening skills.
G.
Exercise
Woman : Did you see Paul driving around in
his Mustang?
Man : Then, he did get a new car.
Narrator : what had the man thought?
In your test
book, you read:
A.
Paul would definitely get a Mustang.
B.
Paul did not know how to drive.
C.
Paul did not like Mustangs.
D.
Paul would not get a new car.
In this conversation the emphatic
form he did get is used to show the man’s surprise that Paul got a new car. It
means that the man expected that Paul would not get a new car, so the best answer
is D.
1.
Man :
I just got 600 on the TOEFL test!
Woman : Then you did pass.
Narrator : what had the woman assumed?
A.
The man had not passed.
B.
The man would pass easily.
C.
The man had already passed.
D.
The man got the score he was expected to get.
In this conversation the emphatic
form he just got 600 on the TOEFL test. It means that the man had not passed,
so the best answer is A.
2.
Woman :
Would you like to go skiing this weekend?
Man : so you can ski!
Narrator : what had the man assumed?
A.
The woman was a good skier.
B.
The woman was going skiing this weekend.
C.
The woman did not know how to ski.
D.
The woman did not intend to go skiing.
In this conversation the emphatic
form you can ski it show that the woman did not know how to ski, so the best
answer is C.
3.
Man :
I just got this letter form my sister.
Woman : so the mail has come already.
Narrator : what had the woman assumed?
A.
The man’s sister never wrote to him.
B.
The mail had not yet arrived.
C.
The mail always came early.
D.
The mail had already arrived.
In this conversation the emphatic
form the mail came already. It show that the mail had not not yet arrived, so
the best answer is B.
4. MAN : You are going to the concert in
the park this afternoon, aren’t
you?
WOMAN : I have that science report to write up
for tomorrow.
Narrator : What does the woman mean?
A.
She has a report to write tomorrow.
B.
She’ll attend tomorrow’s concert.
C.
She’ll come after she turns in her
report.
D.
She doesn’t plant to go to the concert.
In this conversation the emphatic form I have that
science report to write up for tomorrow. It show that the womanplant
to go to the concert, so the best answer is D.
5. MAN : You ought to come with us to
hear the dean’s speech
WOMAN :
And miss the mountain climbing trip?
Narrator :
What does the woman imply?
A. She’ll
speak to them after the climb.
B. She
doesn’t want to miss the climb.
C. She
hasn’t the dean in a long time.
D. She’d
prefer to hear the talk.
In this conversation the emphatic form and
miss the mountain climbing trip. It show that the woman doesn’t
want to miss the climb, so the best answer is B.
6. WOMAN : How did you get here so fast?
MAN :
Peter let me use his car.
Narrator :
what does the man mean?
A. Peter
got the car for him.
B. Peter
allowed him to use the car.
C. Peter
borrowed his car.
D. He
and Peter were permitted to use the car.
In this conversation
about Peter let me use his car.It show that Peter allowed him to
use the car, so the best answer is B.
CHAPTER III
CONCLUSION
A. CONCLUSION
An empathic
expression is one that is said with emphasis and stress to indicate
importance. This type of expression is used to show you have strong
feelings about what you are saying. Often emphatic expressions that are
written have an exclamation point (!) at the end of the sentence. While spoken
emphatic phrases have stress on the word that is used to emphasize or intensify
your feelings.
As many
mediators, including myself, have come to understand, listening is a learnable
skill. Unfortunately, it is not typically taught along with other communication
skills at home or in school. I spend more time listening than using any other
form of communication, yet as a youngster I was never taught the skill. I spent
long hours learning to read and write and even had classroom training in public
speaking, but I never had a lesson in listening or thought of listening as a
learnable skill until I entered the world of mediation as an adult. While some
may have had better experiences during their formative years, for many
listening is often treated the same as "hearing." We do not
ordinarily receive instruction in using our other senses -- smell, sight, touch
and taste -- so why give lessons in hearing (sound)? A message that listening
was an important skill to learn would have fallen on deaf ears when I was a
child. Perhaps now that peer mediation is being taught in many classrooms
across the nation, when children are taught to "Listen to your
elders," they also will be taught by elders who model good listening
skills.
REFERENCES
Salem,Richard1982."Community Dispute Resolution Through Outside
Intervention," Peace & Change Journal VIII, no. 2/3
Simkin,William.1971.Mediation
and the Dynamics of Collective Bargaining (BNA Books)
Thomas,Gordon.1977.Leadership
Effectiveness Training, (Bantam Books). See also, Thomas Gordon, Teacher
Effectiveness Training (1974)
Ninsiana, Widhiya. 2014.Modul Listening.State Islamic College Of Jurai Siwo Metro.
[1]Richard Salem, "Community Dispute Resolution
Through Outside Intervention," Peace & Change Journal VIII, no.
2/3 (1982)
[2]William Simkin,
Mediation and the Dynamics of Collective Bargaining (BNA Books, 1971)
[3]Ibid.
[4]Books on effective listening cited in this paper
primarily address the topic in one-on-one situations and use examples in both
personal and professional settings. Three books by Thomas Gordon all use the
same communication models in a variety of settings. They are Gordon's Leadership
Effectiveness Training, (Bantam Books, 1977), Teacher Effectiveness
Training, (1974), and Parent Effectiveness Training.
[5]Madelyn Burley-Allen, Listening the Forgotten Skill,
(John Wiley & sons, 1982). Burley-Allen is a former president of the
American Listening Assn.
[6]Thomas Gordon, Leadership Effectiveness Training,
(Bantam Books, 1977). See also, Thomas Gordon, Teacher Effectiveness
Training (1974).
No comments:
Post a Comment